Liz, we need to have a talk.

So, I work at Liz Claiborne. Now, Liz sounds like a really fancy place, and a lot of people think it is. They are wrong. We do have nice business outfits, of course, but we also have some seriously messed-up shit. Frog-clasp jean jackets anyone? Red-and-white-striped sweater-coats?

Needless to say, I wasn't particularly impressed with most of the stock from the start. I'm 19, of course I wasn't impressed. However, the last couple of shipments have been surprisingly good. We had lovely blouses, nice trouser-pants, a few cute business dresses, adorable empire-waisted sweaters, cable-knit sweaters, cropped lamb-skin leather jackets. And in lovely navies, purples, whites, browns, blacks, camels and greys. In short, good stuff. This gave me real hope that Liz Claiborne was pulling itself out of its fashion rut and getting serious about this whole clothing thing. Creating clothes that women under 70 want to wear (although, I have seen some very well-dressed septegenerians). My dismay at the most recent shipment should then be understandable, at least to all other Liz Claiborne employees.

Seriously, what the hell, Liz? What were you thinking? This is, undoubtedly, the worst batch I've had the (dis)pleasure to receive and process since I started working for the company. Silver-polka-dot sweaters? Oversized white stitching on club-collar, engine-red cotton shirts? Really? It's been three weeks since the last shipment (1 week longer than usual) and this is the best you could come up with? It's like you raided Mrs. Claus' closet and only came up with the stuff she stashed in the back, out of sight, because it looks like something her mother-in-law would wear. And what the hell's up with pulling out the Christmas colours and decorations already? It's not even November yet. I understand a few early Christmas gifts going on sale already, but does the new collection really have to look like a gingerbread house? Also, I feel our customers all deserve a formal letter of apology for that black polyester shapeless dress thing with the hideous line of stitching down the front from the last shipment selling at $119,99Cnd. Not cool.

This is serious, Liz. With the economy in the state it's in, right now is not the time to get lazy and pull shit like this out of your ass. People are not going to shell out the big bucks unless it's really worth it and this latest collection is just not going to cut it. I like you, Liz, I really do. I mean, you sign my paycheques and all. And you just extended my staff discount to all the brands you own (thankyouthankyouthankyou!). I'll forgive you this one shipment. We all have our bad days (or weeks). But please, no more silver polka-dots!